RELATIONSHIPS

Create Your
Lasting 
Relationship

Whether you're in a relationship or single, Butkovic Life Coaching will give you the tools for that lasting love and connection.

What Are You Looking For?

Love and Connection is one of our most basic needs. We are often looking for love, but when we can't get love, we'll settle for connection. It's why social media is so popular. It literally connects us with hundreds of people at the push of a button. I can like someone's page or post and instantly feel some sort of connection with them. With social media I can follow my favorite celebrity and feel connected to them! 

Some of us feel connection with our pets. Some of us get so much connection from our pets that we have 3 dogs and 2 cats! 

When we can't feel connected to someone else or any of these other things we connect with ourselves. This can show up in many forms, but the most common is problems like depression. Depression at it's essence is connecting inward and focusing on what we don't have in our life or what we don't deserve based on some story we made up. 

Where Are You?

If you're here I am going to assume you're either in a relationship that you want to improve in some way. Perhaps you're thinking "I just want to improve my partner. "


OR


You're single for one reason or another and you're looking for Love. You're looking for that special someone. You're looking for more.


OR


You're considering divorcing your spouse or leaving your partner. Perhaps you have separated and want to work it out by trying to find out how.


OR


You've been divorced for some time and still haven't figured out how to move forward for one reason or another.


Wherever you are at, you're in the right place. I will meet you where you are, and together we will find and create exactly what you're looking for.



I AM CURRENTLY...

Married/Common Law/Dating

If you find yourself in a relationship and feel like it could be more then you've come to the right place. Many of us have had experiences with what we call "good" and "bad relationships. 



What makes one relationship better than another? How do we work with our partner to create a passionate and loving relationship? What elements need to be in place?



To know more click the button below or to schedule a Free 30 mins introductory call with me click Book Now. 


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How Do I Find the Right Connection

What are you looking for? Truly what is it that you want? A relationship. A friend.



Regardless of what you're looking for, what's kept you from getting it? 



When you choose a partner, you're choosing someone to share a part of you, and that can have an impact on your life and happiness more than anything else. 



Whatever you've come here for, I will walk with you to help you . It could mean finding that special someone. It could also mean you just got out of a relationship and need to find yourself again. Perhaps, you've never been in a relationship and are looking for the courage to take that next step. 



My strategies can help you find what you're looking for. 


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How to Move Forward

As someone who has gone through a divorce myself and remarried, I can understand the emotional rollercoaster that comes from divorce. 



Many clients are trying to navigate the pain and anger that can sometimes come from divorce. The uncertainty of what life would look like now. What people will say. How to move forward and let go. 



Perhaps you're separated and trying to decide should you stay or go. 



Whether it's helping you understand your situation better, map out a new life, find ways of reconcilliation or everything in-between. 



The strategies I use can help you progress forward in life. 


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What's Killing Your Relationship?

Studies have shown that the #1 reason for divorce is not money. It's issues with communication!

The 4 Ways to Kill a Relationship are:
  • Criticism

    When you start critiquing the other person. This can be comments about how they are in the relationship or about them personally. 


    Often this is described in a generalization. Generalizations use words like: "always" and "never." Where critiques are more direct like "You are" 


    Examples:

    "You never listen to me."

    "You are so mean to me."

    "You always take your mother's side."

    "You are so lazy."

  • Disrespect

    Disrespect occurs when you think you're better than your partner. It can also be called contempt. 


    If you're conversations consist of putting the other down or crossing known boundaries, then you're headed for disaster. 


    Example:

    "You're such a loser."

    "You're a deadbeat."

    "You're probably the dumbest person I've ever met."

  • Being Defensive

    This isn't just defending your position. It's also about putting yourself in a position where you're defending what you've said or done while putting the other person down like it's their fault. 


    At some point you felt or thought your spouse was attacking you in some way. As a result, you are trying to protect yourself from this alleged attack. 


    Example

    "It's not my fault the clothes are dirty, you never wash the clothes."

    "It's not my fault the kids didn't eat supper. You didn't make any."

    "I am sorry that I got mad, but I wouldn't have gotten mad if you took the trash out."

  • Stonewalling

    One of the great parts about relationships is the exchange and interaction between two people. This can be verbally, emotionally, or otherwise. 


    When you're stonewalling, you're taking away the emotions from the relationship. As your spouse is talking, you don't react, speak, and appear cold. You sit there like a stone wall. 

"Are You Listening to Your Partner, or Just Waiting for Your Turn to Speak?"

After a survey of relationship practitioners, it was found that 65% of couples get a divorce from a lack of communication. 

The next closest reason for divorce was the inability of the couple to resolve conflict at 43%. 

Which is to say that most couples can't resolve conflict because they can't communicate. 

Where are things at for you?

IN A 
RELATIONSHIP

Dating/Married/Common-Law

Most people get into a relationship without a clear sense of what they want and don't want in a relationship. After a little while into the relationship, they start to notice things. These things seem minor or are excused because you think they'll change or you can change them. Maybe you're thinking it's not that big of a deal.

As time goes on though, those things begin to magnify and really start bugging you. You change the way you feel about the person. Your conversations change. Until one day you're wondering..."Why am I still here?"

Perhaps you're in a different kind of relationship. One that was full of adventure and fun, but as time went on you bought a house. Work started to get more serious and demanding more of your time. The kids needed more attention driving one to dance and another to baseball practice. By the time you get home, cook dinner (if you cook dinner), pay the bills, and put them to bed...you have an hour of Netflix and then it's night night. As time goes on the routine becomes more of the same. Passion drains out of the relationship where 4x a week is maybe 1x a week or it's your birthday. 

These are just a couple of examples of relationships. The point I am trying to make is being in a relationship means more than sharing a roof with someone. It's an exchange and a bond. We all seek connection. We all seek that special someone to share our life with. 

When did we stop dating and living for our partner that now we are just living with our partner. When did "we have two minutes" turn to "I have a headache." 

The key to any relationship is first creating a safe environment to be yourselves. To love and to be able to openly and honestly tell the other person how you feel. 

Once this is established, the rest can be achieved. My strategies are designed to walk you through the different levels of love. To help you date each other again and find the passion again. To get out of the routine and fulfill one another's needs. ALL your needs not just sexual. How to ask the hard questions and grow as a couple because if you're relationship isn't growing it's dying. Remove the road blocks, the beliefs, and the rules that are keeping you apart to find each other again. 

In Relationship Coaching I Will Show You...

There are skills and disciplines that will help you be a better partner. 
  • How to Identify what your partner really needs
  • How to create a safe environment for conversation
  • The meaning beneath what is said by your partner when they're upset
  • How to date your spouse again
  • Finding your spouse's love language
  • How to create expectations for the relationship
  • When to reset during an argument and minimize damaging conversations

Single

Choosing to be single is becoming more popular among millennials. They're marrying later, having kids, later, etc. Which means that along with this goes the stigma of being single. 

I don't know the reason you're single. Perhaps it's by choice and perhaps it's not. Unfortunately, many are single due to a false set of beliefs that mentally or physically prevents them from choosing to find love. 

Some of these beliefs are:
  • I don't deserve love. 
  • The good ones are taken
  • What if they hurt me?
  • I'm scared of rejection
Whatever the story you've used to keep you single, know that these beliefs are not serving you. Chances are you've wrapped them up in some story that makes logical sense from the outside, but inside you may be feeling: hurt, scared, or alone. 

How to Choose  a Partner

I have been single. I have been married. I have been divorced. I have been single. AND NOW I am re-married to the love of my life. 

In that journey, I had to ask myself:

"How do you pick a partner?" 

How do you know who is the right person. Where do you start? 

What kinds of things do I need to look out for to ensure I am building  lasting relationship? 

IT STARTS BY KNOWING YOUSELF AND WHAT YOU WANT!

I'm not just talking about what someone looks like or how much they make. I mean all of it. What kind of relationship do you want?


How to Attract the Right Person

Finding the right person means understanding yourself first. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

When you know what you want from a relationship. You have to really focus in on yourself after. What can you do to communicate better, how can you avoid repeating old negative patterns that have affected your relationships in the past? How to avoid common obstacle or the relationship killers mentioned above. 

Are you ready to take action right now and envision the relationship you always wanted. Do you understand your past relationships? Do you always end up with the same kind of person? Do you repeat the same mistakes? Can you really change and what has to change for you to find that someone. 

For some this can seem impossible. However, it simply means asking yourself, what do you have to do or change about yourself to attract that other person. I am not talking about plastic surgery. I am talking about the beliefs you have about yourself. The views you have on life and how to live it. The values that you have. Getting rid of old patterns.

When you improve your belief system of who you are and take action on becoming the best version of yourself, you open the door to attract the highest quality partner. You will have created a process to truly find the right person and create that romantic relationship you've always wanted. 

NEGATIVE BELIEFS THAT ARE HURTING YOU 

The Fears and Negative Beliefs In Relationships.
  • I Don't Deserve Love

    Everyone deserves love. It's within us to give. It's a part of who we are as a people. 


    Somewhere along the lines, someone or something convinced you that you don't deserve love. Whether it was indirectly or explicitly, you believe that this is the case. 


    Often as a result of this belief we create a story within our life to help us support this belief. We tend to look for evidence that makes it logical in our minds to believe.


    In some cases, if we feel we are getting love we don't deserve we can react by slowly or quickly taking an action that will destroy the relationship further confirming our beliefs. 


    Changing a belief can seem difficult. My sessions are designed to address this belief and find ways to get you the life and relationship you always wanted. 

  • The Good Ones are Already Taken

    In 2020 the worlds population stands at about 7.8 billion people. Surely there must be ONE person out there. 


    If you notice you continually attract the same type of person or end up with the same results in a relationship, it can become frustrating and you find yourself saying that the good ones are already taken. 


    Our sessions will work to help you overcome these barriers so you can find the relationship that you truly want. 

  • I'm Scared of Rejection

    Whenever you make a decision out of fear it will be the wrong decision. That's because you're not operating as yourself. In many cases, you've done this so often you're not even aware of it. 


    For others, they avoid any situation that would result in rejection. They decide ahead of time that they are going to be rejected, so it's better to not even try. They decide that if they don't give the person what they want, they will be rejected, so may as well let them have what they want. 


    Not making a decision is a decision in itself, but the fear of rejection will not provide you with a fulfilling relationship. Either because you won't be in a relationship, or you'll be in a relationship where you are doing whatever the other person wants which doesn't meet your needs. 


    There is a way that meets your needs that works and doesn't work. In some situations, you may be meeting your needs for connection, but there could be a better way of being in a relationship which meets your needs for love. 


    Together we will work past this fear to create the confidence you need to let rejection go. 

  • I Can't Trust Another Potential Partner

    You've been betrayed or you've been hurt. Often this type of belief is the result of infidelity. Someone decided to be intimately involved with someone else. However, it can also be from an old map. You watched one of your parents constantly lie to the other, and so you grew up believing that those types of people can't be trusted. 


    You may have witnessed the most important relationships around you fall a part. Whatever the reasons for this story, know that it is a generalization. Meaning, yes there are people out there that you probably shouldn't trust. However, does that mean ALL people cannot be trusted? 


    No, but if we look deeper, this belief is protecting you simply from getting hurt. This belief helps us in ensuring we won't get hurt, but at the same time as we need connection we never let any one get too close and thus we can find ourselves isolated and alone...which hurts. 


    Having a proper set of rules and values can help you bring the right people into your life and ultimately you have to use some faith that the person you're talking to is not one of those people. Together we can navigate the steps you need to find that lasting and fulfilling relationship. 

  • I won't be loved

    One of the greatest hurts we can feel in this world is the feeling of not being loved. Whether it's from our parents or people we hold in high esteem. Perhaps a spouse or partner. Feeling like you're not loved is painful. 


    It's also one of our greatest learned fears. I say this because we are born with two natural fears. The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Everything else we learn. 


    Being afraid of not being loved can shape your life in so many ways. Some people avoid any situation that could jeopardize the love they receive. While others avoid situations where they could be loved, so that they are not affected. 


    How can we change the story. If you find yourself worrying about not being loved, and you're still not happy, then how can you change the story? 


    Together we will identify, how to find the needs you have and your associations with love, to re-create the rules to have lifelong fulfillment. 

DIVORCE

MOVING FORWARD FROM A DIVORCE OR SEPARATION

The Emotional Side of Divorce

Getting a divorce or separating is never easy. It may feel or look easier for some than others, but the act of breaking a relationship is difficult. There are so many variables that can go into a break up.

The first is the decision by one or both parties that they can't continue the relationship for whatever reason. A flood of emotions, questions, and thoughts come into the situation. If there are kids, debt, business ties, or decades of assets that need to be dealt with...it gets even more complicated. 

For some it becomes overwhelming. For others it creates bitterness and resentment that can be held on to for decades. There are also those where the process is an amicable decision and the results are dealt with quickly. 

Wherever you are, know that you are not alone. This is not an easy thing to have to navigate especially when lawyers and feelings are involved.

Gain the Proper Perspective

When emotions are running high this can be extremely difficult, but if you're able to get the proper perspective, it can save you a lot more pain in the future. In some cases, you may need to enlist the help of others around you for a sober view. 

As They Are
In a divorce or separation, there is a tendency to look at things from the perspective that things are worse or better than they truly are. This can lead to inflamed emotions and thoughts which lead to reactive behavior. On the other hand, it can cause you to become lackadaisical, aloof, or deny the situation the attention it deserves. 

The key is to see things exactly as they are for better or worse. What are the facts of the situation? Am I making a lot of assumptions? How do I know this is a fact and that it's true? What am I avoiding to believe this? What am I looking at to support my belief?

In some cases, you will perceive the person's motives, or look inward and blame yourself.

This can cause a lot of pain in the future. What you want to do is understand the situation as it is, so that you can maintain emotional clarity. 

When to Walk Away From a Relationship

This is a loaded question, but one that is often thought about in relationships where things aren't going well. How long do you stay with someone you're not happy with? What do you have to do to know when to move on? 

I don't believe two people should stay together if they are not happy. BUT I do believe that effort needs to be made by both parties to reconcile the relationship between themselves before making that decision. 

The tools and strategies I use help a person identify themselves and the role they play in the relationship. Contrary to some belief, you can't control the other person. You can't make them do anything they don't want to. It's called free will. Have you ever noticed that the more you try to control the situation the tougher things seem to get. 

If you implement the right strategies and the proper changes to make the best effort to improve your relationship, and it doesn't work for whatever reason. You won't need to ask yourself the question of should I go. You'll know when it's time to move on. 

When You Look In the Mirror Who Do You See?

After a separation or divorce, it can seem like a part of your identity has changed. There are worries that come to mind. 

How will I be perceived?
Saying "I am divorced" can scare a lot of people. What will my family think? How will others think of me? This is a legitimate fear, but again, it doesn't mean it needs to change who you are. 

Will I Find Someone?
Some of us fear because of our age or because of our lifestyle or other beliefs that we won't be able to find someone new. That we will end up alone. There are couples that meet in their 80's and share a romantic and loving relationship. The decision of moving forward is completely up to you and you can find love at any age. Love doesn't have a time limit. 

What Do I Do?
After my divorce I was told that unless I look inward and notice the things I need to change about myself that aren't serving me or could have led to my part in the relationship break down. I would find the same type of person in another body and potentially go down the same path. This is why 67% of second marriages fail.  

Together we will look in the mirror and see the things that worked and didn't work in your previous relationship. We will identify your ideal relationship and what that looks like. From there you'll create the process to find your ideal person. The only person you can control is you. With a clear vision and understanding of who you are and what you want, you can find the person that will make you feel fulfilled and appreciated. You'll find the partner and equal to who you are. 

IF YOU'RE UNSURE OR STILL ASKING QUESTIONS...

The topic of relationships can be complicated. If you haven't found what you're looking for on the website or if you have questions about how I can help you navigate any stage of your relationship. 

I want you to click here send me an email and ask me whatever you need to help you on your journey. 
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