3 Things You Can Use Right Now to Change Your Thoughts and Move Past Fear

What is real and what is fake?

 

Interesting question is it not? Yet depending on who reads this you will come up with different answers.

 

To the child that imagines a monster living under the bed, that monster is very real. They can see it's large teeth, scaly skin, and beady red eyes.

 

To the teenager that wants to ask that high school crush on a date or finally tell them they like them. Only before speaking a word they walk away never doing so. They first saw themselves walking over and saying those words and getting rejected. Seeing their fears come to fruition compels them to feel the pain of rejection before they even open their mouth. Instead of walking towards their crush they walk away. Convinced they spared themselves humiliation.

 

Whatever is going on in your mind that is reality. It has been said, "if I can see it and touch it…then it is real."

 

Which is precisely my point. In each of these cases including the one you're in now, there is an interpretation of the world playing in your mind. Many clients can tell me in great detail the movie they see, the things they hear or feelings they have. As if they are the main character in a blockbuster film. Looking through their own eyes at an event that hasn't happened yet. Their mind already decided the outcome from past experiences and the client sees it as real.

 

For others, it's a movie of the past. One they can't let go of that plays over and over again. Haunting them like a giant movie screen in their living room. They can't escape it, and because of this they live in fear or make "safe" choices.

 

They can feel it, they can see it, and they can touch it. Isn't that real then? If you were to ask any one of them, they would describe their sensations as real. Some would even say I know it isn't real, but in that moment when I focus on it feels real.

 

They tell me they don’t think they can control it and it bothers them.

 

While society gives us definitions for words, we are all individuals free to experience anything we want. Imagine yourself walking down the street and you see a person on the street convinced they are Santa Claus, while you rationalize he isn't Santa Claus…in his mind…he is absolutely certain he is and it is an absolute truth that he is to him.

 

My question then is what's the difference? How do you know what is real and what is fake?

 

I am not asking what is truth and what is a lie. If that thing that lives in your mind isn't real, but it prevents you from living life the way you want then you've taken it and made it real.

 

Many motivational things say: "Make your dreams a reality."

 

This is 100% true! I would argue that regardless of where you are in life you have done just that up to this moment. The dream could be a nightmare and you're living it. Trying to wake up and save yourself from it. Others are living the dream of success and opportunity. There are some that say, "I don't have a dream". They've been so broken that they can't dream, or someone stole their dream…and yet it is still reality because somewhere in their minds they are playing an old movie that makes them feel less, robbed, or limited in life. In some cases they've convinced themselves they are not worthy. That they won't recover from an injury. That this is the way things are.

 

There is a way to wake up. There is a way to create a new movie, or finally take the old one and throw it in the garbage with all the other useless things that don't serve you anymore.

 

You are the director, the composer, the artist, the main character in the movie of your life. So what is real and what is fake? It's that which lives in your mind. It's right now. The past is done. The future still hasn't come yet, so both are nothing but thoughts from your imagination. Take control of these thoughts and create what you want. Not what was or what will be, but what you truly want…then get after it.

 

Here's some ways to see if you're being held back:

 

1. When you think of doing something, do you think of the result and what others will think before you even get started?
   
   Often we don't take action on something because we picture how people will react to us. We play out the conversation that will occur before we even have it and decide on the outcome. We get that feeling somewhere in our body that makes us feel this isn't a good idea. Then our minds do a wonderful job reinforcing this attitude with examples stored in our brain to support this thought, feeling, or vision.
   
   Overcoming this thought begins with acknowledging that these things were created by your mind. That although they may feel real, you have the power to change that picture or movie to something better. You can imagine the conversation going well and getting what you wanted. You can see yourself achieving the outcome you wanted all along.
    
2. Listen to the conversation you have with yourself.
   
   The spoken word has a lot of power. Think about all the memes with famous quotes for "Motivation Mondays" etc. They are quotes and words to stir something within you.

             The conversation that goes on in your mind can help you take action or sit on the sidelines of life. This conversation can be your voice, the
             voice of another person, or multiple people.

             When you're faced with something that you've struggled with or had difficulty, what is the conversation going on in your mind? Is it one
             that is telling you "you're not going to make it"/ "You can't do it"/ "It's too hard" / "what if…"

             OR

             Is it telling you "You got this!" / "A challenge is an opportunity to be great" / "There is no testimony without going through trial" / "I can do
             anything" / "Come at me bro"

            Notice what you are focusing on to have the conversation. Are you focusing on the obstacle or the opportunity? The process or the result?

            Take a moment and focus on something recently that upset you. Remember what happened and notice what conversation you have or
            had at that time that perhaps had you feeling upset.

            Now focus on something that made you happy recently. Remember what you saw, heard, and felt. How does the conversation that you
            had or are having change? How do you feel?
 

         3. That feeling you get when you need to take action.

            Feelings are just sensations that mean nothing until we put a label on them. Once we put a label to something it has a meaning. This
            meaning either has us feeling good or bad.

            You have something you need to do. It could be at work or at home or with friends. Doesn't matter. It's something that you really don't
            want to do. It could be for yourself (like working out) or for someone else (like a favor). The point is, just the thought of doing it gives you
            that nasty feeling. You know which one I'm talking about. The one you get each time you have to do something you really don't want to
            but feel like you have to.

            Now I want you to think about something you want to do. Again, it could be for yourself or for someone else in whatever context you wish.
            Notice how you feel when you think about doing it. It could be a guilty pleasure like eating your favorite dessert. It could be spending time
            with a loved one(s) or your friends on a night out. Whatever comes to mind.

             Notice now the feelings between the two thoughts. The one you didn't want to do, but felt like you had to. Where does this reside in your
             body? How does it feel? Does it move? Does it have a shape or color.

             When you think of the things you want to do. Where does it live in your body? How does it feel different? Is it lighter? Does it move? And if
             yes, faster, or slower than the thing you don't want to do? Does it have a shape or color.

             What happens if you think about what you don't want to do, but change the way you think about it so you get the good feelings when
             you're doing something you want to?

             How do you need to change the thought so that it feels more like the things you want to do versus the things you don't?

 

The point I am trying to make is that often my clients don't feel like they are in control of their thoughts, feelings, or emotions. However, by changing the picture in our mind, the voices we hear, or the feelings we have, we can change the reality.

 

It's like when you look under the bed to see that there is no monster.

 

How about the teenager that fears rejection because they think that their whole world will end and they will be made fun of for asking out their crush. They've been told no before. What makes this one different? It's the picture they created in their mind. If you help them find a better picture, this changes the way they see the conversation going, and changes the feeling from fear to confidence.

 

To change the feelings is simple.

 

• Make the things you want big, bright and vivid
• The things you don't shrink them down and make them black and white
• Turn up the volume on praise and turn down the volume on negative self talk and push it away like a dog barking in the distance
• If the feeling moves in a certain direction, notice where it starts and reverse it

 

Try some of these things and see how it changes your perspective.
 

If you need assistance or have questions then email me, or set an appointment for a FREE 30 mins session with me and lets do this together. Let's create the reality you want right now.

 

If nothing else let me know what you think of this post. I have found it to create a lot of discussion with clients and friends. Send me an email. I love getting comments and creating discussion.